Stuck in the Middle....

We are the Hecks..... Being stuck in the Middle is our life.

So if you are familiar with the show The Middle you will understand everything I am about to say. If you aren't, well you need to be.  Watch the show.  Regardless most will relate.

I was lying in bed last night, listening to my sick husband snore, my mind racing.  We are in a tough spot again.  I say again, b/c without fail, this time of year always hits us hard.  We pray for change, we pray for advancement, and yet we stay stuck right here, in the middle.  I find myself full of anxiety, worry, questions, guilt (b/c there are those with less of course, so I shouldn't worry! In case you didn't get that memo) and plain old panic.

You see, being stuck in the middle is hard, not gonna lie. You aren't exactly "poor." You definitely aren't rich!  It's when you say you are broke and you mean, literally, we are broke.  Not I might have to dig into my savings broke, but the what IS this thing you call savings? type of broke. It's tough.   But, I've learned what you find in the middle is something money cannot buy.

You learn to laugh when the sink falls through, and then high five your husband when he mends it with plumbers tape and some elbow grease.  You value those $5.00 pizzas like it ain't nobody's business.  Your kids learn what it means to be humble.  They watch you struggle TOGETHER.  They watch you laugh and cry, always TOGETHER.   No, they may not be able to participate in athletics or dance classes etc, but they participate in us.  They participate in THIS.  They are along with us on this crazy wild ride.

I am grateful for children that want to be with me, that laugh with me, that annoy the crap out of me. I am grateful for a husband that is my best friend.   Many days, he is the calm to my storm .  Sometimes I want to shake him and say, "what do you mean it will all work out??"  Yet, if he were like me, we'd live in a constant panic.  That's just who I am.  If I were rich I'd be panicking that I wasn't spending our money wisely enough.   My Joshua is the kind of man that when I call him and say, "hey guess what, the fridge just died,"  He says, "I will figure it out" and he always does.  He is the man that sends me texts to let me know he's been praying for our family throughout the day.

I am grateful that EVEN IF certain parts of our home may or may not be held together with super glue at the moment, it is also bound by love.  LOVE lives in every room of this little home.  It is there with us on "family tv night", as we all laugh together at the silly shows.  It is there with us when we pass in the hall and stop for a quick hug.  It is there when my oldest, who isn't as affectionate as his siblings, hugs me from behind and says, "love you ma"  It is there when we are lounging about the living room.  I often times reach across with my foot to touch Josh's, silently letting him know we are in this together.

Yes being stuck in the middle is hard, but it is also a pretty okay place to be.  Could we use a few more digits in our bank account? Of course!  Do I hope we get there? You betcha! Will I miss these days? Maybe not so much the constant struggle, but the victories we've shared together, those days will be missed.  Those memories will be cherished.  Some families crumble in the middle.  They fight over their struggles.  I thank God and should thank Him more often than I do, that we are a family that isn't defined by our struggles or victories.  We are a separate entity all together.  We just love, and that's how it should be.

Will I go into panic mode again? I can say without a doubt, I most certainly will.   My husband will remind me that God is in control and that it will be okay.

This is my life, stuck in the middle with my best friend, panicked and yet always grateful.